Thursday, April 26, 2012

Things I Never Expected to Say: Part Deux


For the second week in a row, man-o-man, am I glad it is here. But before we get into the funniness of child-wrangling, let's first discuss how amazing y'all are. Thank you so much for you input on our Bedroom Mini-Makeover, you definitely got my wheels turning about spray painting the mirror and finding new lamps. We might have Makeover Part Deux coming shortly. You all really are the best readers in the world and I appreciate each and every one of your comments, everyday. So thank you, thank you.

Now, on to business. Since my first round of 'Things I Never Expected to Say' was a success, as was your reception to last week's 'Ugh' moment, I have decided I'm going to save Fridays for the not so glamorous side of my life, while hopefully giving you a little laugh for the start of your weekend.

So, without further ado, here is Part Deux: A Collection of Quotes from Full-Time Motherhood aka Things I Never Expected to Say.

-Ew, chalk is not for eating, it is for drawing.

-Good measuring Cullen, I am, in fact, 13 inches and $7 tall.

-You can play with this stuff, but not anything that is breakable.
 -Are you playing fetch with your brother?

-Well, Jesus is kinda like Santa, but a little different.

-I can't believe I am helping you poop on the side of the highway.

-{To Kev} I gave Bennett some Carrot Cake today. Good news is, I don't think he has nut allergies.

-He is your brother, not a horse. OFF!
-You can catch the lizard, but we aren't keeping him.

-You need to talk human, Mommy doesn't understand monkey.

-{To Cullen, through the kitchen window} What's Bennett doing?... Ok, just make sure he doesn't eat any doggie poop.
Don't even tell me this devious face isn't thinking about finding poop.
-{to my friend Traci} I had some regular lemonade today. It is SO sweet without vodka in it.

-Walk, you little burger nugget.

 -Yes darling, your poop does look like a lobster today.

-Where did you find that?
-How did you get cheese in your hair?

-{to my sister in law} I kind of have to have more kids. The only skills I have left are motherhood and blogging.

-What are you doing?

-Ugh, you just wiped your snot into your eye. Hold still!

-Wait, did you just teach Bennett to climb the stairs??

-{Kev, talking to Cullen} I don't want twenty-nine hundred dollars. I want you to use your manners.

And best of all: Things I Never Expected to Hear:

{From Cullen, while sitting on the toilet} Mommy, I am a good pooper, but you are a really good wiper.

{Taking my bow}

Have a great weekend, my friends!


Jenn said...

LOVE THESE. My favorite might just be the lemonade comment, but that Bennett does appear to be searching for something he's not supposed to. Oh, and lobster poop is pretty amazing as well. ;)

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Lol...great lines especially the lobster comment! Lolz all day!

Susan said...

Hahaha! You could write a book with all of your amazing material!

eas said...

These are good. I love the vodka without lemonade one! It's amazing how I talk about poop out loud now that I'm a mom-i forget that when talking to my non-parent friends who look at me weird.

Shannon said...

OMG - you need to do these every week. HAHAHAH.

My favorite?

-Good measuring Cullen, I am, in fact, 13 inches and $7 tall.

Heather said...

Ha ha! These are too funny! Thanks for the laugh! I definitely needed it this week!

Beth Ann said...

Hahaha! This is GREAT and that last one is PRICELESS!!!!!!

Nicole Marie said...

Love all of these. I have a few fav's but here is one -I can't believe I am helping you poop on the side of the highway.

Katie said...

I wished I lived at your house! Never a dull moment with those 2 sweet boys:)

The Romer Family said...

we took my daughter fishing last week. she would not go to the bathroom in the bushes so we had to take her into a porta-john. She looked down into it and said, "Look mommy, they look just like my poops!" OMG...I died.

Meg {henninglove} said...

hahah these are hilarious kate!! i love the sayings i can totally picture you saying those things to your sons and that comment to kevin, about carrot cake and nuts and allergies hilarious!

Ericka B. Jackson said...

Bahaha! You + your kids = hilarity!

Kristin said...

Hilarious, I love it! Kids are so funny!

The Not Quite Military Wife said...

Oh my gosh, these had me laughing so hard! What a life to be a mommy!

Laura S. said...

That's a lot of poop talk in one week, LOL!!!

Cait Emma said...

haha these are all fantasticccccc

Ashley said...

My Charlie is always trying to play horsey with his younger brother also. Too cute!!

natasha {schue love} said...

So funny! Love that you got pics too!

fittingbackin said...

so cute! LOL good wiper -nice!

The devious poop-eater pic is too much!

Kristin said...

Haha. I love the $2900 vs. manners.
As for having more's strange how our skill set decreases as we get older. I think I also used to be good at a lot more things!

Kari said...

I shared this blog post with a freind of mine who has 2 kids about the same age as your boys. She emailed me and told me she literally (!)wet her pants with laughter because it is SO.SO.SO. true. Thanks for helping the sanity boat stay afloat! :)

Kristi said...

This is great! I totally relate! There are so many thing mothers say that no one else EVER would even dream of saying!