Last Tuesday evening, I was becoming increasingly convinced that this baby was never coming out (a little dramatic, perhaps). My mom had just text me to let me know she was staying at her condo nearby for the night (my parents have still been splitting time with my grandmother since my Opa isn't out of the hospital yet) and I text her back saying that the baby was definitely not coming that night, so enjoy her time off from care taking all of us.
Thirty minutes later I was doing an awkward happy dance in my kitchen because my water broke.
About three hours later, boys in bed and read to one last time as just two brothers, bags packed, shower taken, big bowl of ice cream had, plus Mom's arrival and surprise arrival by my dad who had been at my Oma's, Kev and I were off to the hospital at 11pm.
A sleepless night and lots of contractions later, it was morning and I wasn't progressing quite as quickly as we had thought I would. I opted to have an epidural at 9am after having a great experience with Cullen's and Bennett's. I was hoping the relief from pain would allow me some time to finally sleep and for my body to catch up.
Unfortunately, my epidural did not have the same plan. For some reason a 'window' was open on my left side and the medicine was unable to cover it. For two hours I laid on my side, trying to breathe through the immense amount of pain localized to that one spot. I am pretty sure I didn't say a word the entire time except
It Hurts.
Finally, around noon, I felt like I wanted to push, so we called in the midwife and she said I could give it a go. I was the only person on the floor that day, so I ended up with an OB
(who looked like he was 19, seriously, when did I become old?), a Navy Corpsman
(who was actually 19), a midwife and my RN Mary who was amazing.
By this time, my faulty epidural had worn off and I could feel
e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g (Dear Natural Childbirth Mother, GodBlessYou, Amen). If you know me in person, you know that I rarely get angry, but at one point the OB told me to keep pushing and yelled
No, YOU get him out! because I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to do it. I had to push even when I wasn't contracting because our little man was so close but needed a little extra work and that was possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done.
Finally, with Kev on one side telling me I
could do it, and Mary on the other telling me I
had to do it, Wells was born.
They put him right up on my chest and at that moment didn't care about a thing in the world except for our beautiful perfect little boy that we had made. All the pain and 36 hours of sleeplessness dissipated into one overwhelming feeling of love. Even though I had been through those first moments twice before, there is nothing,
absolutely nothing that can prepare you to hold that little miracle.
*****
It was hours later, in our Mother/Baby recovery room, after the
(third) best shower of my life that bits and pieces from the labor came back to me. One of the best being that I recalled vaguely that during the difficult two hours, Kev, being the wonderful man that he is, had downloaded Mumford and Son's
Live From RedRocks album on his phone to help distract me. At the moment when I wanted to give up pushing,
I Will Wait was playing. Somehow, the words registered in my mind and I remember how long we were waiting and praying for our sweet angel.
And that is the song Wells came into the world hearing.
And I'll kneel down,
Wait for now
I'll kneel down,
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
