Little Moments

Yesterday, I had one of those days where I just couldn't get it right. Maybe it was the rain, or the cold, or the 5 million things running through my head at once, but I was definitely not in a peaceful place. After lunch, I put baby boy down for his nap and sat in the quiet, trying to clear and control my thoughts, but they continued to bounce from one side of my brain to the other, never finding a resting spot. Just when I was about to give up, I heard baby boy screaming crying from his crib. My immediate reaction was one of frustration and annoyance, as it was too early for him to wake up. So I pouted up the stairs, feeling sorry for myself that he was awake and therefore going to be grumpy for the rest of day.

When I opened his door, I saw red cheeks, alligator tears and a sad little face that whimpered "Momma, hold me." I picked up his teddy and blankie and took him to the rocking chair that still sits in the corner of his room. We cuddled for a few minutes and I looked out the window, rocking him gently and rubbing his back. Next time I looked down, that sweet little face was sound asleep, big tear still resting on his cheek, arms tight around me. We sat there for twenty minutes as all my stress and anxiety wore away.

The thing about motherhood is, it doesn't give you the opportunity to stay in a bad place very long. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that I could fix that bad dream he was having. It is comforting to know that when he is scared, or upset, his first thought is "Momma, hold me." And I know that one day, that bad dream will turn into a bad grade, twisted ankle, disappointment, a broken heart or lost direction, and those won't be as simple to fix. But I hope he will still come to me for a hug, a bandage, conversation, and advice, because as a mother, I know I will always want to hold my child in whatever way I can when he is hurting. I can control my needless worries when I cherish these little moments instead.

And so as I sat down for the evening, reflecting on my day, thinking especially about the season of Lent, I said a little prayer for peace, and love, and patience. I am looking forward to 40 days (and a lifetime) to get it all right.