Ralph Came Back

Remember Ralph? The pesky little two year old alter ego of Cullen's who reared his ugly head a few times last summer?

Ralph, a year ago.

Well, last Wednesday, he came back. With a vengeance. I am talking about sassy comments, arguing about what to wear to school, temper tantrums, hitting, running away and yelling 'no'- the whole bit. And days like that are very trying for me.

Y'all, parenting is tough. I know my blog tends to lend itself to the positive and funny side of things, but I work very hard everyday to keep my marriage strong, my home intact and these kids from being little hellions. It take a constant vigilance and sometimes an overwhelming sense of responsibility to raise children right (ish). I learn something new about being a parent every day; it is a never ending learning curve.  So when they do act out, I take it personally.

What behaviors have I been showing that makes Cullen feel like it is okay to act this way? Have Kev adn I been disrespectful towards each other? Am I not treating my friends right? Am I not teaching the boys patience and understanding well enough because I am not exacting those qualities? Am I being too soft and they don't believe that I am really in charge?

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Wednesday night I got home from my fitness class to Kev informing me that C has punched him in the arm after refusing to go to bed. I was livid. After a day of him pushing my buttons little by little, that was the last straw (Kev had already put him in time out for it, but I was too upset to not talk to him too). I put on my really scary angry mom face (which was magnified by the fact that it was still beat red and sweating from an hour of TurboFire), got out my pointed finger and marched upstairs to let Cullen know how disappointed I was by his behavior. I told him that we loved him very much, but if he got out of his bed for one single reason, I would take some of his buddies (you know, the 2394823904 stuffed animals he sleeps with).  Sure enough, 15 seconds later he was on the landing of our stair case. So without a word, I stomped right past him, into his room and removed 3 buddies.

And He lost it. Completely melted down. Made noises that I have never heard come out of his mouth. Threw himself on the floor wailing.

 It broke our hearts, but we had to stand firm. So despite that reaction, he was plopped back in his bed, finger back in his face, threat that if he does it again, the blankies were going too.

Not another peep was heard (except from Bennett who was woken up in the commotion, naturally).

***
The next morning, C apologized and asked if he could have Thomas back (of course) and during Bennett's morning nap, he and I had a little Come to Jesus meeting about how we should behave. After our talk, I had him tell me the rules of our family and we wrote them on a poster board.

Obviously number 5 is of great concern. Also please note number 7 where he clearly points out that Mommy is the 'mad' one.

That night, we all agreed and signed the rules (B signed in red) and so far, so good. Every time C does something right, he will ask me 'which rules I do's, Mommy?' and is very proud. (Side note: this is not a 'rewards' situation, these are simply clear expectations of how he should always behave.) I think letting him be part of the process, along with showing him that Mommy and Daddy follow these rules too, helped a bit in understanding that they are important, more so than me just telling him 'no' over and over.

I am also assuming that my scary face is, in fact, terrifying.

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Any tips from other Mamas out there on how to handle behavior problems? I know this isn't the end for us and I'd love to hear your approach.